Summer beer tasting guide

Sitting enjoying a nice cold one at sunset at Penrith Panthers*, pondering why wine gets the privilege of having all the descriptor words, Sandra, Bron and myself decided it was high time to do a proper beer tasting. So we set a date and, not unusually, dragged Sarah into the shenanigans.

The following findings are designed for those who come to the beer tasting table with an open mind, a clean palate and no bias towards their favourite beer they've been swilling since they were 16! I'm keen to know whether you agree with our impressions.

We divided the beers into batches starting with the basics and moving upmarket from there. We also tried to drink them roughly in order of lightest to heaviest, finishing with a desserty treat.

Ok, so our formula isn't really scientifically valid. "Get to the reviews!" I hear you cry.

• Melbourne Bitter: Yeasty, light appearance, sour, tangy. Watery - not flavoursome! Lack of body, insipid. Drinkable... No aroma.
• VB: Slightly darker and weaker taste than MB. Short-lasting flavour.
• Calton Draught: This one got the tick of approval out of the "cheapies". Aroma is lighter and more yeasty - not overly overpowering - and crisper, with the added bonus of a better quiz than the XXXX which is coming next.
• XXXX: I was pleasantly surprised at this one as it is known to my friends as "death in a can" and there have been fights over who has to drink it when given a choice between XXXX and another beer on a deserted island. "The trivia on the bottle cap is stupid - cricket - who knows this stuff!" "No aroma, but it tastes like an outdoorsy beer - it's all salt and sweat."

Moving up in the world a little bit now ...

• James Squire Golden Ale: Thick head, darker in colour, smells sweeter - "too flavoursome for a bingey night out".
• Coopers Pale Ale: A "more drinkable" beer, more fizzy but it goes down smooth with a yeasty finish. The "drinking a lot of beer beer".
• James Squire Amber Ale: We like this one better than the golden ale - tastes like burnt honey with a touch of berries. A golden colour, smooth, with a woody aftertaste.
• Blue Tongue Lager: Although one taster said it tastes like wee, others agreed it was sweet, thin, fruit, crisp, tastes like apple, and girly (not a disparaging remark).
• Boags Draught: After educating one team member that Boags isn't pronounced "Bow-ags", we decided this one had a darker colour, not too strong a smell, and a nice medium taste of honey. But to our palates it tasted like Carlton Draught - why pay more?!
• Cooper's Sparkling Ale: Yeasty, heavy and thick, more alcohol than Cooper's green and not as easy to drink.
• James Squire Pilsner: Honey, yeasty, complex flavours.
• Bees Neez: Got a tick from us - surprisingly light in colour, smells lightly of honey. We like it more than the James Squire.

Now on to the meals-in-a-can:

• Coopers Best Extra Stout: Dark, smells and looks like soy sauce or burnt vegemite, tar, bitumen... get the picture?
• Guiness Extra Stout: Fizzy texture, like coke, lighter and better than the Cooper's stout.
• Monteith Crushed Apple Cider: Looks like water in comparison! Very fizzy, no head, sweet but not as sweet as most ciders - and a welcome relief after the stouts! 

Which brings us to our next challenge: Cider tasting!

The winners: In conclusion, our favourite cheap beer was the Carlton Draught, our "drinking a lot of beer beer" is Cooper's Pale and Bees Neez and Monteith's Apple Cider won us over in the flavour stakes. All I can say is thank goodness we did this important evening of research.

*We were visiting Penrith on a rollerskating adventure. That's a post for another day.